The story of Linda James to date
Here, one will find the story of Linda James, from her humble days in a small welsh coal mining town, to the present day living in the City of Newport on the welsh coast.This also tells of my strugle to come to terms with being gender confused. At one point i was not sure as to who I really was, was i male - or was I female?.
I was born in the year 1961, in the small valley town of Pontypool, the eldest af what was to become seven children. With two brothers, and four sisters all younger than I, at the time it was hard for me to understand why a four year old child(then all male)child, should enjoy the times when my auntie happily taught me the things that a woman would usualy teach her daughter. But i was her nephiew, not her niece, or her daughter. And yet I delighed her by being a willing pupil. She always encouraged me when I wanted to help her around the house, that included helping with the family weekly wash, which was always done on a monday morning.
And so the education of the boy that became Linda james began, an education that was also to be confused by male influences, such as my ongoing love of steam trains, and speedway.
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Learnig to be me
As i was growing up, one became increasingly concerned as, there were many times when one would have been more than happy to exchange the shorts that all boys wore in the early 1960`s for a nice skirt or dress. For one such as I, the urge to dress in girls clothes was there, and just as anoying to a four year old, I did`nt understand why. It was to be some years before I was going to be able to explore my needs to wear girls clothing, So I had to be content with learning to sew, knit, and how to do the other things that young girls learn from their parents.
However my father and I had a good bond, as so he was to encourage me in my love of steam trains and speedway. When I was strong enough to hold on to him, we used to travel to Newport on his motor bike most friday nights, just to see the bikes racing in the town (as it was then).
growing up in school
Like all the boys in the 1960`s i wanted to drive a steam train, or work with my uncle in the family busness. I hapilly helped my uncle to build a chicken run at the end of their kitchen garden, and eat many a gooseberry straight off the bush. But my auntie must have seen the girl in me that needed to get out. For she encouraged me in all the things that i did, as long it was propper fo rme to do so. She was a treasure to me, a special woman,i loved her to bits, i remember crying like a girl for days whe she passed away. But one still held one`s love of all things feminine. My father did his best, he and i had a special bond, he did his best to encourage the boy inside me to emerge - but he never truly succeded. As i have already said, he introduced me to the things that i still love today, the love of steam that he gave me will never deminish. However my desire to wear girls, and later womens clothin seemed to get stronger as the years went by.
When we moved down to the coast, like all boys, one got into the usual scrapes. But when teenage years came upon me, they hit me with problems that my familly doctor was unsure of. One remembers the fainting, and the black-outs that i suffered as a teenager. Since then i have come to the conclusion that i had a horemone imbalance that was missed by my familly doctor. But school was an interesting time for me, as i was finaly able to begin to explore my needs to dress as a girl. Indeed i`d find any excuse i could think of so that i could try on something of my sisters(i have four). Like a lot of boys i had the usual paper round, only i used the money that i rased to buy skirts, dreses, and underwear. When i discovered make-up i`d spend what little money i had on that as well, the only problem i constantly had was the need to hide everything from both my parents, and my sisters!. Like all girls, they soon began to explore things as i did, only for me, if i was`nt careful they`d get hold of my lipstick etc, and i`d never see it again. My mother did her best to steer me in the right direction, she had to do a lot on her own as my father was killed in a bike accident when the youngest of my brothers was still a baby, and i was in hospital in cardiff at the time.
that was a hard time for all of us, but we all prevailed. and i continued to explore my desires to dress in womens clothing. This coninued throughout, my time in school. And when i eventually left school, i was soon able to begin to buy more clothes of my own, but i was still dressing at home, alone trying not to be caught out by my mother - or my sisters.
When i left school i slowly became more brave, and admitted being a crossdresser to my family, and i also know that they told others within the family, as now and then, i`d find items of clothing either suddenly appear, or disappear. But still i was well within the closet, i was no-where near brave enough to venture out whilst dressed for some years after leaving school. The impetus that got me to dress outside came from a few good friends that i made when i joined the Beaumont society. It was through them that i gained the confidence to go out as Linda. and from that point, i gradualy gained in confidance, and was soon venturing out in the daytime. Now i have the confidance to dress when ever i feel the need,and to do many of the things that other women take for granted.
Email Me!
linda381@hotmail.com
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